You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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