i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
