That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
