I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
