Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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