I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
