I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she looked like the before picture.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
