So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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