thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize