He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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