Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize