According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
