a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
