I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
