I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
