Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
