She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
