Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
