Michael Bay diarrhea
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He? As in you personified your dick?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
