Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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