You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
