I look better un-naked...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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