I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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