Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
