it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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