can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
