I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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