I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
