kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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