I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
