I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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