A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
