apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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