There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
