Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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