I think im going to throw up on grandma
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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