Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
