that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
