So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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