Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
