YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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