Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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