Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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