I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
