it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
