I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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