So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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