the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
