i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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