i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
