Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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