True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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