You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
