my phone needs a breathalizer
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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