Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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