Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
