My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize