He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
