my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
